


Attachment : Broken

by MonsterXI



Series: Things You Forget To Say [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Love/Hate, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Misunderstandings, Moving On, Platonic Relationships, Regret, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-09-15 17:46:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9248978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonsterXI/pseuds/MonsterXI
Summary: "You knew the game and played it." - Wires by The Neighbourhood.[Sequel in progress]





	1. Chapter 1

(This is my first time writing a lemon scene. So don't expect too much.)

"O-Oikawa-san !" Kageyama moaned his senpai name while the older man kept thrusting his member into him mercilessly.

"You like that huh, Tobio ?" Oikawa said while whispering and panting in the younger's neck, he continued to thrust into the other setter non-stop.

They were in the volleyball club's locker room. Kageyama back was pushed into the locker, his legs are tangling around Oikawa's waist for support, and his hands are around Oikawa's neck scratching the older male bare shoulder, couldn't bear the pleasure.

"Oikawa-san," Kageyama said his senpai name weakly, signaling that he was near.

"Just wait a little longer, Tobio-chan," Oikawa replied with a serious face, a face that always makes Kageyama silent.

Kageyama does as he told to do, he waits until he can feel the warm feeling in his stomach, after that he came himself between their hot bodies. Oikawa let him down so the younger male can stands by himself, the younger fell on his knees, feeling weak from the event.

"Clean yourself," Oikawa said not even looking at the other boy, then after he dressed himself he made a way out of the room, leaving Kageyama still in the mess.

They were not lovers. They were not friends either. They are rivals. Rivals with benefits to be exact.

It all starts when Oikawa was invited to a freshman party, be the Oikawa he always is, he flirted with every girl and drank until he was drunk, and at some point he flirted with this gorgeous boy. Ocean blue eyes, thin reddish lips, silky dark hair, and a build body, made the brunette want to ravish him.

So Oikawa went to this boy, flirted with him, and slept together ? And the next morning he realized that the man he slept with is one of the most annoying and stupid rivals he has, Kageyama Tobio.

And one night stand turns into two night stand, then it turns into rivals with benefits. And their condition support their relationship, they are roommates, and yeah Oikawa just knew this after their one night stand. It's their routine, no cuddles, no hickeys, not even an eye contact. They just satisfying their needs, that's what they thought.

"Hey, Kageyama !" One of Kageyama friends and senpai, Kuroo Tetsuro called him.

"Ahh, Kuroo-san," Kageyama replied slightly bowing to the older middle blocker.

"So, how's your study ?" Kuroo asked smirking, he knows Kageyama is bad at studying. Kageyama just growled as a replied while Kuroo laughing at the younger reply.

"Okay, okay. So how's your boyfriend ?" He asked showing an okay and relaxed face.

"Huh ? I don't have a boyfriend," Kageyama replied confused, as long as he knows he has never been in a serious relationship lately.

"So what's with the hickey ?" Kuroo asked while smirking.

"Hickey ? Where !?" Kageyama replied, panic.

"Here," Kuroo replied while leaning closer to Kageyama collar, leaving a little hickey. Kageyama just sat there with a shocked face.

"Okay, sorry. Just kidding~" Kuroo replied after seeing Kageyama's reaction. Well, he has this little crush towards the younger boy. I mean for gays, the ravenette was attractive.

Kageyama just sending the older an intimidating glare. Thank god they were in the class and everyone busy with their own business.

"Okay, see you later," Kuroo said after seeing the time. He has class after this but he still wants to see the ravenette.

"So you came here just to put a prank on me ?" Kageyama said uninterested.

"Yup !" Kuroo replied while exiting the room. Leaving Kageyama a little clueless about the older male. Why he came here in the last minute before his class ? Isn't it a bother ? He can never understand the bed head senpai.

Kageyama just pushed that aside, he has many problems. And he doesn't want to make another problems. So he just goes with his usual routine.

"I'm home," Kageyama said while taking off his shoes.

"Welcome home, Tobio-chan~" Oikawa replied from the living room, he just finished his assignment.

Kageyama stepped in the living room, putting his thing in there, then made his way towards the kitchen, his daily dose, milk. Then suddenly he felt the older male's stare behind his back.

"Oikawa-san ?" Kageyama called still holding his milk while turning his head towards the brunette.

"Tobio-chan. Bed," Oikawa replied while heading to their room. Kageyama followed from behind after finishing his milk.

After he stepped in, he quickly pushed into the door. The older kissed him roughly, but soon Kageyama kissed back. They quickly took off their shirt, leaving them with only their pants. Kageyama back pushed into the soft bed, Oikawa just stared at him hungrily with his elbows in the both side of Kageyama's shoulder. But soon that full of lust and rage stare stopped.

"Oikawa-san ?" Kageyama called him, confused. The older man never stops If it's about the thing they do in bed.

Suddenly Oikawa stood up, putting back on his shirt.

"What's wrong Oikawa-san ?" Kageyama asked while getting up from the bed.

"I'm not in the mood," Oikawa replied, not even looking at Kageyama. He went out of the room. Kageyama just thought that Oikawa is in his moody time.

Once Oikawa outside, he quickly drank then slammed the glass into the counter. Tobio has a hickey. He has a god damn hickey. Oikawa already known that their relationship has no attachment. So Kageyama can go out with anyone he likes. But why he felt so pissed off ? This is not supposed to be like this. He's not supposed to act like this. He's not supposed to fall in love.

"Oi, Shittykawa ! I know your life is already shit, but don't day dreaming in class. It hurts my eyes," Iwaizumi said smacking Oikawa's shoulder lightly with his book. They were at the garden eating their lunch, there's no one there, completely quiet.

"Iwa-chan ... I think I might ... Fall in love ..." Oikawa said mumbling while looking at his shoes with no particular reason. He doesn't even believe his self admitted it.

"What ? I can't hear you," Iwaizumi said while eating his sandwich.

"Why are you so mean, Iwa-chan ?" Oikawa replied with fake tears in the corner of his eyes, because he doesn't want to admit it for the second time, but at the end he say it again.

"I think I might fall in love," Oikawa said this time with much more firm and audible voice.

"Ohh ! Who ?" Iwaizumi asked slowly, trying not to sound demanding.

"Tobio-chan," Oikawa replied still looking down.

"Then why are you looking like shit ? You finally have a new love," Iwaizumi asked, trying to lighten up the mood.

"Hmm, you see ... Tobio-chan and I ehmm, how do I say this. We are 'rivals with benefits'," Oikawa replied hoping that Iwaizumi will understand.

"A what !?" Iwaizumi shouted, spurting the food that he chewed a couple minutes ago, while Oikawa just nodded as a reinsurance.

"So ? Is he do it with anyone else ?" Iwaizumi asked, afraid that he will step into something he shouldn't.

"I think no ? I don't know," Oikawa replied, vulnerable.

"Have you ever tried to confess it to him ?" Iwaizumi said carefully, looking at the sky, feeling the wind that breezed softly against his skin.

"Hmm, no. I don't think he even like me. I mean, I have treated him badly, hell, I still now," Oikawa said, frustrated.

"You never know If you never tried, Shittykawa," Iwaizumi said.

Then Oikawa leaned to Iwaizumi shoulder weakly, while Iwaizumi just patted Oikawa's back, knowing how fragile Oikawa is when he was dealing with love, well it's his fault after all for making the brunette like this.

"Tonight ... I will do it tonight," Oikawa said while closing his eyes.

Kageyama just finished his class and now he walked pass the garden. Feeling the light wind while he's walking comfortably. Then he heard someone shouted and saw Oikawa with Iwaizumi. They were talking. But after that Oikawa lean into Iwaizumi's shoulder and Iwaizumi wrapped his arms around Oikawa.

Kageyama just stared at them both, he was suffocating, it's like someone squeezes the air out of him, his eyes feels hot with the tears that starts to well. He just walked faster while hanging his head low, not even looking that he bumped into someone.

"Kageyama ?" The one Kageyama bumped called him, Kuroo.

"Ahh, Kuroo-san," Kageyama said while looking up to meet Kuroo's face and trying to wipe his tears.

"What's wrong ?" Kuroo asked not missing the tears that escaped from Kageyama's eyes.

"No-nothing. I think I got something on my eyes," Kageyama said, his voice is cracking, he still hides his face with one hand to stop the tears.

"Then, want to take a coffee ?" Kuroo asked avoiding the fact that Kageyama is crying, because he doesn't want to push the ravenette to tell him what happened to him right now.

Kageyama just replied with a nod and let Kuroo held his hand while they walked to the cafe near the collage.

"One Espresso and ?" Kuroo said to the barista while asking Kageyama who still looking down.

"Cappucino," Kageyama replied with a small but clear voice.

"And one Cappucino," Kuroo continued while handing the money.

"Coming right up !" The barista replied while giving them the number to take their order.

Then they sit down on one of the chair that is quiet enough compared to the cafe's vibes. Kuroo just stay silent still looking at the younger male.

"So ... You want to spill it or end up upset for the rest of the day ?" Kuroo asked calmly.

"Ehmmm ..." Kageyama opened his mouth only to close it then he took a deep breath and started to tell Kuroo everything, after all he doesn't have any close friends, he has no other choice.


	2. Chapter 2

Kageyama waited until their orders are done, then slowly he's starting to tell Kuroo.

"I have a crush on someone since ... I don't know, and he has a crush on his bestfriend. I knew this when we were on middle school, I like him even though he's rude to me, but I really respect him. Then on high school, I saw him confessed to his bestfriend, and I-I ... " Kageyama explained with a shaky tone while Kuroo by instinct grabbed the younger's hand to calm him.

"Well, I knew from the start my love is unrequited, but it keeps weighing in my head, why it can't be me ? But at the end his bestfriend refused him, and it really broke him. He starts to flirt with anyone, anytime, and anywhere. We lost contact and went separated ways, strangely we met again in the freshman party, I knew he was drunk that time and but still I can't refuse him ... I never can't," Kageyama said more like to himself, a reminder of what he is to Oikawa and what he has always been.

"And after that we became 'rivals with benefits' and also roommate, I don't really mind, as long as I can be near him. I thought that I can change him if I try harder, but after seeing him together with his bestfriend today, I feel like I have been beaten, I can't never change him, he will never fall in love with me, I'm not strong and dependable like his bestfriend, I'm not ... I'm not ... I'm not him," Kageyama said finally, finding the right piece of this whole mess, he was lose of his own words still trying to hold back his tears.

"Hey, It's okay," Kuroo said with a calming tone to Kageyama while tapping his hand lightly against Kageyama's.

"It's normal. You have done your best and it's not your fault," Kuroo said, trying to convince the ravenette.

"I don't know," Kageyama replied with an audible voice. It may be his fault, if he just can let go and move on, this would not happen. But the reality is, he just can't.

"Will you be okay ? I mean he's your roommate right ?" Kuroo asked a little hesitated if he's being honest, but he wants to know.

"I don't know, Kuroo-san," Kageyama answered, unsure. Honestly, it's odd to talk about something personal like this to your senpai that you even don't know really well.

"Well, I don't know this guy but if you feel you need someone to talk, I'm here, okay ?" Kuroo said smiling genuinely. Maybe he's acting a little eager.

"This is not a prank right ?" Kageyama asked dumbly, staring at Kuroo's black eyes.

"Of course it's not ! I'm a good person, you know," Kuroo said with a puff while supporting his head with his palm on the table, looking away.

Kageyama just chuckled faintly, he felt a little relieved after talking about it. They drank in a comfortable silence and a little conversation until late night, after that they said their good-byes in the train station.

The first thing Oikawa saw when he stepped in their shared apartment was no one there. It's unusual, today Kageyama don't have any classes anymore after lunch, and it's already 16.34. He should be home by now. Oikawa just waited the ravenette while trying to do something.

 

16.47

Oikawa just sat on the couch after changed into some comfortable clothes while playing with his phone.

 

17.24

Oikawa called Kageyama's phone but only got an operator's answer that he should leave a massage. Maybe he should try again later.

 

18.39

Oikawa texted Kageyama but still don't get an answer. He was growing tired of waiting but he still waited though.

 

19.11

He fell asleep while watching TV and he forgot to turn on the heater, meanwhile at night the temperature is getting colder knowing that it's near December.

 

22.05

He woke up, cold. Still no sign of Kageyama. He turned on the heater, but it won't turn on, so he grabbed a blanket from his room, still waiting.

 

22.38

Oikawa heard the door opened and the sound of a familiar footstep. He quickly stood up, almost fall from the blanket that tangling around him.

 

"Tobio-chan ! Where have you been ?" Oikawa asked, standing in front of the ravenette who still dealing with his shoes while mumbling how hard to take it off.

"I was with Kuroo-san," Kageyama replied honestly while passing Oikawa without even seeing him.

Kuroo ? He has heard that name before. Where he heard it ? Where ? Where ? Ah ! They were on the same class this morning.

So this is how it is huh ? Tobio came home late just to meet this Kuroo. Tobio ditched him for Kuroo. Tobi-

"Why do you stay up late, Oikawa-san ? I thought you have morning classes tomorrow," Kageyama said from the kitchen while drinking his milk, back facing Oikawa.

_"Have you ever tried confess it to him ?"_

He heard Iwaizumi's voice ringing in his mind like an old movie. He felt his chest tighten, replaying the line that he promised.

_"Tonight ... I will do it tonight,"_

"Nothing, Tobio-chan. Nothing ..." Oikawa replied, mumbling the last sentence more like telling himself that it was a worthless thing.

"O-Okay," Kageyama said while trying to hide his trembling voice, still drinking his milk even though every gulp of it is hard to swallow.

Then Oikawa went back to his room, closed the door and laid his back against the door. He found himself laughing, laughing about how simple-minded he is, then he sensed the hot liquid flowing through his cold cheeks. He feels stupid. Stupid for believing that Tobio have the same feeling as he is. Stupid for planning to confess to the younger. Stupid for falling in love. He tried his best not to cry, he should be grateful though, because he will not feel the bitter rejection again, but that thought can't hide the fact that he falls in love and it always ends with him broken heart. He choked on his own sobs and was trying to cover his mouth with his both hands, stopping the sobbing sound from being heard through the door, after calming himself down he laid on his bed, hugging the pillow tightly, not even care that he left his blanket outside, not even care that his body is freezing from the cold air, because compared to the cold he feels in his hands and toes, he felt more painfully raw in the inside.

Kageyama walked to his bedroom with weary steps. He laid on his bed flatly, not changing any of his sweaty clothes from the event he had. He just need some sleep and forgot all the things as tomorrow comes, soon he was drowning in his sleep, hoping that all the nightmares flee, hoping that he will wake up in his old bedroom in Miyagi still in his Karasuno uniform, and believing that it's just another bad dream.

"And that's all for today," The professor said to them, closing the boring class for the day. Kageyama didn't really pay attention to the class, he was daydreaming, even though the class is already empty.

"Kageyama !" A familiar voice called him from outside the class, the figure leaning on the door frame, waking him up from his endless and trivial thought.

"Kuroo-san," Kageyama said formally while packing his books, as for Kuroo, he was walking side by side with younger.

"Hey, want to go eat ?" Kuroo asked, trying to act casual.

"Ehmm ..." Kageyama was confused, he was not really close to Kuroo, they just exchanging greeting and that's all. He felt even more embarrassed after yesterday event.

"There will be Akaashi, Kenma, Bokuto, and Lev. Come on, don't you want to see them ?" Kuroo said, trying to make Kageyama agree.

"Okay," Kageyama replied quickly after hearing some names, he needs a break from this mess. At least he knows them and just pray to God that this is not going to be an awkward hang out.

They walked a few blocks from the collage into a family restaurant, they stepped in and quickly found the group because of Bokuto's loud voice and cheers.

"Oi, Crappykawa ! Seriously, stop that fake smile," Iwaizumi said, sighing, knowing that something is wrong with his bestfriend.

"It's not fake, Iwa-chan~" Oikawa replied with sickly sweet voice still wearing his fake smile.

"Spill !" Iwaizumi said while giving a light smack to Oikawa's face.

"I don't know what you mean," Oikawa replied calmly like he can escape from Iwaizumi's hell.

"I know something is wrong, Shittykawa," Iwaizumi said with a serious tone while crossing his arms in front of his chest just like a mother.

"Ukhh, you just like my mom," Oikawa said pouting, knowing that he will once again recalling the pain to his poor heart.

"What did you say ?" Iwaizumi said with an angry tone while preparing his fist.

"No-nothing !" Oikawa replied scared to his bestfriend rage, he knows he has no choice but to tell him, but he doesn't want to, not now, not ever.

"So ? What is it ?" Iwaizumi asked with much calmer voice this time.

"Sorry, Iwa-chan ! I have a class after this, must prepare for the subject," Oikawa said while running away, obviously making an excuse to avoid Iwaizumi's question.

Oikawa is not ready yet to tell Iwaizumi what happened yesterday. He is not ready to tell how pathetic his self to his bestfriend.

"Kuroo ! Kageyama !" Bokuto called with his cheerful voice, still have that edge even after all these years.

"Bokuto-san," Kageyama replied formally while sitting next to Akaashi and Kenma.

As for Kuroo, he sat next to Lev and Bokuto. It's like the meek setters versus the loud 2 middle blockers and their one hell of a hyper ace. They talked about some past stories, collage stuffs, and personal matters.

"Do you have girlfriend or boyfriend Kageyama ?" Lev asked while his mouth still chomping his own favorite food, Inarizushi.

"Hmm, no," Kageyama replied bluntly, his chops are still munching a mouthful of pork curry.

"Hmm. How about you, Kuroo-san ?" Lev asked, changing his gaze to Kuroo who is taking a sip of his drink.

"Well, I don't have one, but I have one person that I'm interested with," Kuroo replied while giving his signature smile with a faint blush, his eyes stole a little glance to Kageyama.

"Hooooo !" Lev and Bokuto said with amusement, everybody looking at Kuroo curious, except for Kageyama who is still enjoying his food.

"Who is it ? Who is it ? Tell me !" Bokuto said while standing up from his seat, excited.

Kenma and Akaashi just looking at Bokuto. It's obvious though, Kuroo stole a glance to Kageyama while saying it.

"Well, I'd love to, but I don't want to embarrass him," Kuroo said with a grin, obviously giving Kageyama a code.

Bokuto and Lev finally realized who is the man Kuroo talked about. Everybody was waiting for Kageyama's respond, all attentions are on him even though he's too focused on his food.

"What ?" Kageyama asked after gulping down the curry with a loud sound.

"No-Nothing," They all said with a defeated tone.

 _"Kageyama is hopeless,"_ That's what everyone thought about Kageyama then they continue to talk about something else. Well, what can they say ? He's volleyball dork afterall.

After some more drinking and stories they ended up done until the restaurant closed. They all said their good-byes and a promise to keep in touch then went to different directions, except for Kuroo and Kageyama. They walked in silence, matching their surrounding that less of people, only their footstep that graced the silence and the cold wind of December. Kageyama warmed up his hands a couple of times, he forgot to bring his winter gloves.

"Are you cold ?" Kuroo asked looking at Kageyama's face, some light puffs of cold air are visible everytime the younger exhales.

"A little," Kageyama replied honestly still warming up his hands.

"Want to hold hands ?" Kuroo asked unconsciously, he regretted saying it.

"I-I can lend you my other gloves and your other hand can hold mine !" Kuroo exclaimed quickly with a nervous tone.

"Hmm, sure," Kageyama replied casually, he doesn't want to freeze from the cold temperature.

Kuroo took off his other glove and gave it to Kageyama then he held Kageyama's other hand carefully, afraid that he might break it with his rough hands. Of course, Kageyama's hands are smaller than him, and softer. It's enough for Kuroo to make his heart flutters just from thinking that, he felt incredibly warm especially on his cheeks despite the cold air that fills his lungs and Kageyama's cold hand in his grasp. It's like all the sound became faint to Kuroo's senses, the only thing he can hear is his thumping heart.

 _"What have you done to me ?"_ Kuroo thought while glancing at Kageyama who is looking at his feet while still walking like a kid.

Kuroo can't help but to smile widely, even though he felt his jaws sore from talking too much at the restaurant, but it all vanished away in a second. Is Kageyama a witch ? If Kageyama is, then his magic is working really well. Kuroo is falling deeper every second he spent with Kageyama and he can't help to fall even deeper.

Oikawa opened the apartment door, no sign of life like yesterday, it sends chill down his spine, remembering the event that had happened yesterday. He exhaled with a heavy sigh while taking off his shoes, maybe love wasn't made for him, hell maybe the cupid of love hates him.

"Oikawa-san ? You just got home ?" Kageyama asked while closing the door, obviously making Oikawa startled a little.

"Tobio-chan ? I thought you will come home late again," Oikawa said, he remembered that it still 20.57 pm. He tried to keep his self calm while stepping into the living room first.

Kageyama just stay silent and took of his shoes, then he headed to the small kitchen to take his daily dose. After a few gulps he realized he was still wearing Kuroo's other glove. Quickly he putted the milk box down and ran into the door, hoping that he can catch up the owner.

"What's wrong Tobio-chan ?" Oikawa asked while heading to the same direction as Tobio who is trying to put back on his shoes.

"I forgot to return Kuroo-san's glove. I'll be right back," Kageyama said while tying the shoelaces, not even realizing that Oikawa already a few meters near him.

Slowly Oikawa walking closer and kneeling on the back of the ravenette, hugging him tightly with a soft embrace. It's like he's losing his mind and his body in a second after hearing another man's name came from the ravenette's lips.

"O-Oikawa-san ?" Kageyama exclaimed, surprised with the brunette's gesture. The older never hug him, not even after they're doing it.

Oikawa just stay silent for a moment, feeling his heartbeat increasing, he can also hear another heartbeat, or is it his own beats ? It's so confusing. He exhales the familiar fragrant of Kageyama, the scent that he can only smell in rare times. The soft dark locks touched his cheeks, giving a little ticklish feeling.

"Don't go, Tobio-chan," Oikawa said, mumbling. Totally losing his self into the pool of poison, but it's not the time to regret.

"Wha-" Kageyama was willing to ask what Oikawa is saying, but instead he felt the slender fingers grabbing his chin and a familiar warm in his lips.

They started with a chaste kiss, but soon it's getting hungrier and desperate at the same time, over and over they are not breaking apart even though their lungs were screaming for air. Oikawa pulled him, they got up and starting to walk inside not even detaching from each another lips, feeling like one of them might disappear in a second if they pull apart.

Clothes shattered. Moans. Screaming. Pants. The scorch of their bodies fused in sole, every touch feels like a burning fire. They clung into each another dearly like committing a sin.

Kageyama was sure he was not going to return the borrowed glove in time.

Kuroo wasn't unconscious that his uncovered hand is cold. He's too happy or maybe he's being drunkenly in love that he can't feel a thing besides his still pounding heart despite the man that made him like that was not beside him. Well at least he has an excuse to see Kageyama tomorrow. Wandering around, he smiled widely once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the angst is not enough in this part.


	3. Chapter 3

They say that he’s loveable. They say that he deserves to be happy and all the attentions, but they left him. They always have.

_"Oikawa-sa-! Ahn," Kageyama moaned when the older thrust into his most sensitive part over and over again._

_Even though the air is cold, they felt incredibly hot with their skin bruised against each another like creating a fire._

_"Tobio …" Oikawa called him while hugging the younger tightly, feeling like he’s already near to earn that pleasurable ecstasy the moment he released, the feeling he can’t never get enough with._

_"Say my name, Tobio," He whispered into the younger’s ear with a pant while thrusting his member mercilessly, feeling numb with every movement._

_"To-Tooru," Kageyama called with a hoarse voice, his throat is burning from moaning and screaming too much. He released the embrace to see Oikawa’s face. He raised his already weak hands to cup the brunette’s face and look into his hazel eyes._

_Oikawa felt like his heart stopped beating and the time stopped moving. He didn’t know anymore what to do, Kageyama looks so fragile and wreck, so weak but yet so beautiful at the same time. How is that even possible ? He broke the eye contact, growling with eyes closed when he felt the unbearable pleasure, making him released for the third time this night. His hips are sore from moving too much but his desire keep wanting more. He wanted to touch him, to hug him, to-_

_He felt the moist and warm lips on his. Tobio kissed him. The kiss is so soft and perfect, just like the kisser himself. It makes Oikawa felt like he has done the most rightful thing._

_"Tobio ?" Oikawa said while opening his eyes after the kiss, still grabbing Tobio’s neck, keeping him steady. He wants to see his lover ocean blue eyes._

_Too bad, Kageyama passed out. He was too tired from being done three times in one day. He’s still breathing with a fast pace, sweat all over his body. Oikawa can’t help but to smile, the first real smile he gave today. Softly he brushed Kageyama’s bangs out of his face and swiped the dots of sweat on the raven’s forehead. Usually he will leave the younger alone and walk back to his own room, but today he doesn’t feel like going back, not even the slightest or is it because his sore hips ? But for now, he just wanted to hold the younger in his arms and drift off to sleep._

"Oi  ! You’re daydreaming again. Seriously, Shittykawa, if you want to end your life you should have told me, I will do it gratefully," Iwaizumi said with a mocking tone while rolling his eyes.

Usually the brunette will say _"So mean, Iwa-chan !"_ or _"You’re just jealous because I have a good dream !"_ or so Iwaizumi mimic him, but instead he just gave a little nod like an idiot, making Iwaizumi dumbfounded.

Iwaizumi stopped for a second, as if thinking about something then gave a nod to himself.

"Ahh, Kageyama is here …" Iwaizumi said casually while pointing at a random direction.

"Wha-What !? Where ?" Oikawa replied quickly with a shocked tone while shaking his head to right and left repeatedly, searching for the figure of the mentioned name.

Then Oikawa realized in a moment he saw no one that looks like the ravenette in the cafe, Iwaizumi tricked him. He feels like a fool for reacting that way, for reacting the way he shouldn’t, even though he only heard the name.

"So what’s about Kageyama that made you react like that ?" Iwaizumi asked, looking at his coffee while stirring the liquid with a spoon, making a little hurricane that soon blended in union.

"Nothing. He had nothing to do with this," Oikawa replied with an intimidating glare and a firm voice in every words he said.

"Yeah, nothing," Iwaizumi repeated with a mocking tone.

"Seriously Iwa-chan, you're meaner than me, what's wrong with you ?" Oikawa said with a dramatic tone, making a face just like when someone told him that aliens aren't real.

"Says the one who had been bickering me since we still in the crib," Iwaizumi said, drinking his coffee slowly, remembering a photo where Oikawa stole his toy car and made him cried.

"Mean," Oikawa replied while looking at the cafe's window besides them with ineffectual eyes, still thinking about the last night event.

Then the bell above the cafe’s door rings, a sign that a customer has been coming into the store. Completely numb with his senses, Oikawa was blinded by his own mind. He loves Kageyama. He really does loves him, but he’s afraid. He’s afraid to get hurt or reject, he just don’t want Kageyama to leave him like everyone does, he doesn’t want to lost him. It’s fine like this right ? At least he can still be near Kageyama, at least he can still own him and loves him. It’s not like anyone will snatch Kageyama away from him. Yeah, it’s fine this way.

"Bye, Iwa-chan," Oikawa said his good-byes to Iwaizumi after they spent hours in the cafe with silence and some stuffs that have to do with collage.

He saw the brunette waved his hands as a sign of departing then walked towards the road to the station, then he, himself walking towards the opposite directions. A lot in his mind, well useless things. As long as he remembers, he knows Oikawa literally since birth. They shared the same blanket, same food, same clothes, same everything. They were raised like a brother. Oikawa’s parents well, they are not the best, but they once were. Like any other family, they have their time, but things are not working as it expected. His parents divorced and Oikawa lived with his mom who is always busy working. And that leaves Oikawa coming over to Iwaizumi’s house often. He once saw Oikawa crying in his sleep, not so long after the Oikawa’s family split, Iwaizumi may not know how is it feels like to be left alone, but he knows that day something is broken inside his best friend.

Things were getting better and better though, Iwaizumi tried to be there for Oikawa anytime the brunette needs him. Even though Oikawa always over working himself because the first year setter, Kageyama Tobio. Honestly, Iwaizumi don’t mind with Kageyama’s attitude that always following them around in the practice, well actually it’s kind of funny like a chick that lose his mother, the perks of being the first year. They actually kind of similar. Maybe not all of them realized this but, Oikawa and Kageyama just like two broken pieces. Iwaizumi knows, even though Oikawa has this bubbly personality, he always hides his true feelings behind those fake smiles. And Kageyama may not seems care about not having friends or being left alone, but Iwaizumi can tell, he’s lonely sitting alone on his empty throne.

Well, Iwaizumi don’t know what happened between Oikawa and Kageyama. But he just hope that they both will figure it out and find happiness, because only the broken one can heal the broken heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, I know lol  
> But hope you enjoy this part. ^^


	4. Chapter 4

He can hear the dim sound of his alarm that soon turned clearer, a sign that it’s already morning. He tried to get up even though he still closed his eyes tightly because the bright sunlight that shining the room through the half opened curtains. His body is sore, especially around his hips downwards. He sat up at the end of the bed, rubbing his eyes from the slumber. After adjusting to the brightness he looked into his other side only to find an empty and messy bed from the last night. Well, it’s not like Oikawa will casually sleep besides him after they did it.

He turned off the alarm and gets ready for the classes he will have today, just like usual. He walked into the door after putting on his shoes, and accidentally catching a glimpse of the glove on the little shelf near the door, Kuroo’s. He must returns it today to him. He shoved the glove into his sling bag and locked the door from the outside, leaving the apartment empty, even though it’s not like it never been empty before.

Kuroo walked between the countless students, trying to find a certain figure. Strangely, after a few people passing he quickly detected the ravenette, it’s like there is a bridge that connected the place where he stood with that figure. Without further a due he walked towards Kageyama.

“Hey !” Kuroo greeted while tapping the other’s shoulder.

“Ahh, Kuroo-san. I’m about to return this to you but I don’t know your class,” Kageyama said while searching the glove in his bag that full of book.

After finding the mentioned thing he gave it to the owner who accepted it with a smile. Kuroo shoved it in his bag and quickly averted his gaze into the younger again. There is a silence between them despite the crowded surrounding, but strangely the only thing Kuroo can hear is the sound of his heart that increased every second he saw Kageyama. How the dark locks falls on his face beautifully, how his fair skin shines when the sunlight hits it, or how his dark blue orbs glistening. He seriously needs a medical check up, because he’s going to be insane.

“Do you want to go ?” Kuroo asked unconsciously, he really must stop being enchanted by Kageyama and blurted out something like that.

“Oh, with who ?” Kageyama asked dumbly.

“W-Well, just the both of us ? We can go eat ?” Kuroo answered nervously, trying to make a good reason to ask Kageyama out.

“Hmm, I still have a project to be done…” Kageyama said, feeling a little guilty for rejecting Kuroo. He don’t know why but Kuroo always acts nice around him, it feels like rejecting his senpai, Sugawara-san.

“Oh, I can help you,” Kuroo said quickly while trying to find an answer from Kageyama’s face.

Kageyama gave him a small nod, an unspoken answer that successfully makes him smile like an idiot. After all of their classes finished, they met in front of the collage and took a walk into the nearest restaurant. They spent hours eating and studying. When they were done, the sky is already in dark gray color, ready to drench the earth with salty water.

“Looks like it will rain soon, let’s get hurry,” Kuroo said while helping Kageyama with his things for the project.

After a few minutes they quickly ran into the station, hoping that it will not pour soon. But sometimes wishes are not meant to be true, the rain was pouring hard, Kuroo held his hands to the nearest bus station, right across the train station. But the rain still pouring like a thousands of bullets and he will not risk his already done project in this situation. They stay silent, enjoying every drop of rain that hit the puddle even though their bodies are cold. Suddenly, he felt his shoulder warm, he looked at his shoulder only to find a dry black jacket that belongs to Kuroo.

“You can use it, I remember shoving it in my bag this morning,” Kuroo said not looking at Kageyama,, but Kageyama could tell right away that the older was shivering from the cold.

“Ehmm, I think you need it more than I do, Kuroo-san,” He said while making a move to shove the jacket off his shoulder, but Kuroo stopped him without a word.

“Let’s just share, okay ? This is your jacket, Kuroo-san,” Kageyama finally said while wrapping the other end of the jacket on Kuroo’s shoulder.

Because the small size of the jacket compared to their build body, it feels like they’re hugging each another. Their shoulder are bruising together, they can hear each another calm breath despite the loud sound of the rain. He doesn’t know what to do, he already tried to stop the younger from sharing the jacket with him, it’s just Kageyama is so close to him, especially he could tell every shapes of Kageyama’s body because the wet clothes, and now just imagining it he couldn’t barely hold himself together. He just badly wants to hug Kageyama in his arms, kissing him, mark him-Oh God ! He can’t stop himself anymore, it’s like something took over his body in a second. He ripped the jacket off their shoulder, making Kageyama startled, not even care if the jacket gets dirty, he putted his left arm around Kageyama’s waist and his right around the other’s shoulder, making both of Kageyama’s hands trapped against Kuroo’s torso, their bodies are pressed together so tightly, making them to feel each another body’s shape against the damp clothes as their barrier, then he leaned in forcefully and captured the setter’s soft lips on his. It feels like the rain stopped pouring that time, because the only thing that came into his senses are two heartbeats that complement each another and the other’s warm lips that was moving to kiss him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hohohoho~


	5. Chapter 5

Oikawa was already near the station when the rain is pouring, luckily he managed to arrive at the station’s entrance even though half of his clothes are wet, and he still has to wait for the next train. He was so busy drying himself with a handkerchief, right in the time he looked up to see the rain, he saw a familiar form, he crunched his eyes to get a better view, and when the rain finally calm down, he saw it, a view that he can’t never forget even in his dreams, a view that took his breath away until he suffocated and made him feels like he better dies. Kageyama.

He quickly went inside the train when the announcement was made. What had he done to deserve this ? Oh, how his heart wants to cry. Imagining, Kageyama kissed someone else’s lips, touching someone else’s body, precisely in the same way like he touched him. He wanted to threw up. How can he be so weak like this ? It’s like Kageyama has the power over him, making him hurts every time he wants. How can Kageyama abandon him ? Does Kageyama know that he can’t continue on living perfectly without thinking Kageyama ?

Somehow, from the deep sorrow he felt, he felt rage rather than sadness anymore. He wants to crush Kageyama, crumbling him into pieces, so Kageyama can’t live without him, and will stay and crawl back only on his arms.

“I’m home,” A familiar sound can be heard from the door, breaking his thought.

“Oikawa-san ? Can you grab me a towel ?” Kageyama asked after saw the two shoes in the front door.

Oikawa’s silhouette can be seen in the dark hallway, Oikawa walked weakly towards Kageyama who thought that Oikawa finally came to give him the towel but Oikawa came without nothing on his hands,, despite that he grabbed Kageyama’s wrist hard while pulling him forcefully inside the apartment, not caring the dripping water out of the younger’s body.

“O-Oikawa-san ?” Kageyama called while trying to let go of Oikawa’s grip, but it’s no use, the older is stronger than him. So he let Oikawa guided him.

When they arrived, at the border between the living room and the kitchen. Kageyama tried to see Oikawa’s face and figure what is wrong with the older male, but he couldn’t because the light that hasn’t turned on. Before he knew it, Oikawa threw him on the dining table, making the vase broke into pieces along with the water inside that splashed everywhere.

“Akh-Oikawa-san ? Seriously ?” Kageyama said crunching in pain while rubbing his body that hit the hard part of the table.

Oikawa went on top of him, taking his wet shirt off forcefully until the buttons ripped off from the cloth. Then the older male kiss him roughly from his lips, jaw, neck, shoulder, and collarbone, leaving red marks that soon turned purple along the way, marking in the way Kageyama likes. And it always nails to make him moans and whimpers. Then slowly it stops, Oikawa pulled away, looking at him from the top like looking at a kid, but with cold and piercing eyes that ready to stab him.

“You, slut. Moaning and whimpering like a bitch even though you just kissed another man awhile ago. How many times you’ve done it ? How many man touched your filthy body, huh ?” Oikawa asked coldly while tracing his fingers on Kageyama’s torso, pushing him down.

Kageyama can’t find his voice to answer those question even though he knows the answer too well. He was numb under Oikawa’s command that keeping him in place like a prey that trapped in the web. Oikawa leaned down kissing his neck once again while his fingers stuffed into the younger’s mouth forcefully, moving so deeper until it reached his throat, choking him but at the same time makes him moans so uncontrollably. 

“You like that, Tobio-chan ? Sucking on my fingers so willingly, do you want me to take you on the table too ?” Oikawa asked seductively mixed with a teasing tone who got a hum from Kageyama.

“Here’s a little punishment for you, Tobio,” Oikawa said, freeing his sucked fingers from the younger mouth while taking off his and Kageyama’s pants, freeing their already half-hard member.

Without further a due he slammed his member to his partner, making the younger male crunching in pain while tears starting to well on the corner of his eyes. He can feel the burning pain that slowly tearing him apart so forcefully until it’s difficult to breath.

“What’s wrong, Tobio-chan ? Don’t you like it ?” Oikawa asked looking at his partner with pity, the devil still consuming him.

“Look, you’re sucking me in so eagerly, loving this aren’t you ?” Oikawa asked while thrusting his member without even caring for his partner who is bleeding around him.

“P-please, Oikawa-san. S-Slow do-down,” Kageyama said, finally finding his voice between the pain that is so unbearable.

“Ehh ? Don’t you mean faster, Tobio ?” Oikawa asked while pulling out only to slam back in hard, he continued to thrust in fast pace.

“What’s wrong, Tobio-chan ? Feels good ?” Oikawa asked teasingly while looking at the younger who covered his face with his hands, hiding his sobs and tears.

“P-Please, Oikawa-san. I-I’m sorry, I’m so-sorry…” Kageyama said non-stop while choking on his own sobs, still covering his face just like when he was still a kid, afraid of the monster in his dreams.

Oikawa stopped moving, he just stared at the male under him. Crying, sobbing, and most importantly afraid of him. That rage he felt vanished away in a second, instead he felt guilt. He looked at the younger’s skin that attached to his own, he had hurt him, yet the other still apologized. Kageyama had done nothing wrong. He was the one who said that this relationship had no attachment yet he is also the one who wants to attach the raven. How pathetic.

“Leave…” He said with a low voice, pulling back from Kageyama’s body.

“W-Wha-“

“Just go ! Go back to your room !” He yelled, can’t bear to look at those blue eyes that may sees him like he’s a villain. Maybe he is.

He can hear Kageyama stepped down from the table shakily, and hissed when he accidentally hurts himself from the scattered pieces of the glasses vase. Then he can hear the door locked as if rejecting him to go inside. Oikawa slumped right where he stood a minute ago, he hurt him. He messed up. He said that he loves him, yet he wants to break him. What kind of love is that ? He’s a monster. A monster who doesn’t deserve to love nor to be loved. Maybe he’s better alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating lol I've gotten sick while my school having try out (it's like pre national exam.) So you can imagine the pressure. But I hope you enjoy this part, sorry if it's not good.
> 
> And Happy Valentine's Day !


	6. Chapter 6

When he woke up, the apartment already empty and what’s remain only the last remaining memory from last night. He tried to open his eyes even though it’s heavy because the lack of sleep he had. He stood on the side of the bed to get ready for the day. Well, what can he say ? Life goes on.

He went to classes like usual, trying to put up some fake smiles for the fan girls and some of his friends. Everyone believe it, everyone except, of course, Iwaizumi. But strangely, he didn’t ask anything, they just sat there, eating while enjoying the fresh breeze. But, it’s getting on his nerves somehow.

“You… don’t ask ?” He asked while awkwardly drinking his water.

“Ask what ?” Iwaizumi said while munching his bento.

“Hmm about what happened ? You usually ask if I day dream or look like crap,” He explained uncomfortably.

“Oh, right !” Iwaizumi said before gulping down his food.

There is silence for a moment, only the sound of leaves that bruising because of the wind that filled the collage’s park. The others often take lunch in some fancy cafes or the cafeteria, Oikawa and Iwaizumi prefer eat home made lunch, which reminds them of home despite the little chilly weather of course.

“Well, I will not force you to tell me. I think you will tell me when you’re ready,” Iwaizumi said.

“Wow, Iwa-chan. What have you been eating ?” Oikawa asked with an unbelievable tone while looking at Iwaizumi’s bento.

“Idiot !” Iwaizumi yelled, not denying any of Oikawa’s statement.

Iwaizumi continued to pack up his bento without waiting another interaction with the others. He was about to open his books for the next class when the brunette finally speaks up the truth after so many avoiding and delaying.

“I-I fall in love…” Iwaizumi heard the others said it with an audible voice, and a little hint of doubt.

“I know that,” Iwaizumi said while looking at his childhood best friend who is looking down at his shoes even though there is nothing wrong with it.

“And I had hurt him,” Oikawa continued who received a silent reply and a look from his best friend to continue the details about what he just said.

“Well, I sort of rape him ? Akhh-I don’t think it can be called raping, more like non-consensual ?” Oikawa babbled uncomfortably, afraid to get a punch from his best friend from what he done.

“Non-consensual like what ?” Iwaizumi asked, still trying to be calm.

“Well… I’m not using… lube ? And sort of hurt… him ?” Oikawa trailed off while looking at the other direction.

“Why ?” Iwaizumi asked calmly.

“Well, I kind of lose control because I… I saw him kissed another man,” Oikawa replied, keeping on babbling without seeing Iwaizumi’s reaction.

“After realizing I had hurt him, I yelled at him to go back into his room, and I heard him locked the door after that. And he goes to class early today. Well, it’s an usual respond though, he’s avoiding me. Why wouldn’t he ? I had hurt him. It’s obvious if he hates me,” Oikawa said with a forced chuckle while covering his eyes with his palm, hiding the tears that was threating to spill.

“I know I’m not in the position to comment about your relationship. But you have to man up, you don’t want to lose him right ?” Iwaizumi asked while crossing his arms in front of his chest, motherly like.

“Ehm, what ?” Oikawa asked dumbfounded, still trying to process the information because his emotional state.

“You’re dense, aren’t you ?” Iwaizumi asked, totally pissed.

“What I’m trying to say is, just confess okay ? You’ve got nothing to lose right ? If he rejects you, you just have to make him fall in love with you. The Oikawa that I know will chase something he passionate about whatever it takes,” Iwaizumi said, who received a dead silence from Oikawa.

Iwaizumi’s words were ringing in his mind. Somehow, there is something in the words Iwaizumi had said that makes him feels like his unstable emotion and thought about Kageyama lately are useless. Iwaizumi is right. He’s always right. He will not lose anything from confessing, if Kageyama hates him he will make the younger falls for him, no matter how much or how long it will cost him, and for the first time, he was so sure about his feelings.

“Thank you, Iwa-chan ! I will treat you some agedashi tofu later. I have to go now,” Oikawa suddenly said while quickly packed up all of his belonging and ran to the hallway.

“Geez, idiot !” Iwaizumi said after Oikawa ran, even though he knows Oikawa will not hear it. Without Oikawa told him, he knows what the brunette will do.

Oikawa ran through the hallway. Luckily he have no classes after this, so he went straight to ‘him’. To the person who had made him cried, frustrated, and mad these past few days without any logical reasons. He ran through the other side of the building, strangely not even a slur of tired came to him. It’s like he have all the strength to ran to the other side of the world. The class he searched can be seen from the distance. After he was near, he slowed down his pace, looking through the glass that attached to the wooden door to find the certain raven, but unfortunately he couldn’t find him.

“Ehmm, excuse me,” Oikawa stopped a man that just came out from the class.

“Do you know where Kageyama Tobio is ?” He continued after getting the others’ attention.

“Ehmm, I think he headed towards the collage’s gate ? Around that area I think,” The others replied.

“Okay, thanks,” Oikawa replied while running towards the gate that’s quite near, hoping to catch up the male he wanted to meet.

The light and cold wind of the beginning of December flows gently towards the opposite direction that makes him feels some kind of loose, freedom from the facade that had enclosed him for a long time. Ah, he really does love Kageyama. Kageyama Tobio, the one that he hates so much, annoys him the most, and most importantly the one that makes him falls so deeply. And that one is the person he’s going to confess to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hohohoho~


	7. Chapter 7

He was shaking. His body shivers because the damp clothes that still attached to his body. Scared, filthy, and low. He felt so dirty outside and inside. And it hurts so much that the one that makes him feel that way is the one he loves. It makes him felt worthless, useless, and so feeble. He felt neglected, it’s not like Oikawa has ever cared about him, it’s just hard to accept the truth that he really is nothing but a perpetual substitute.

He tried to sleep after changing his clothes, burying his face deep into the pillow. But once he closed his eyes, what’s came to him was the face of the older male, Oikawa Tooru, seeing him from the above with an piercing gaze as if he was a foul human. It wont stop. The image of him wont stop. It haunts his mind and soul so deep like the endless tunnel. He knows he can’t sleep that day, or maybe tomorrow, or any other day, knowing what will await him in his dreams.

He woke up early, or to be precise he’s not sleeping at all. He tried to eat breakfast like usual, he tried to be composed, he tried to act normal, as if nothing happened. But he just can’t, everything seems so gray and lifeless to him.

“Kageyama-san,” One of his classmate called, taking his attention while he was packing his books.

“Ehmm, do you want to go drinking ? We got a discount if we came with 15 people and we sort of ran out of people ? You don’t have to if you don’t want to come,”

He’s not in the mood for drinking, but just thinking what he will be facing if he goes home he prefers drinking and social interaction, one of the things he’s bad at. He wants to forget, that feeling of disgust. He just wants to run away.

“Sure,” He replied still gazing at the last book with no reason, before putting it in.

“Really ? Well, let’s get going !” The others exclaimed happily while grabbing his wrist to follow him with the crowds.

After a few minutes they walked, they arrived at a family restaurant. They got in and made their way towards the already crowded table full of senpais. It’s hard to see because he’s at the back of the crowd.  He sat at the other end of the table, it’s usual for him though. He took a sip of his drink while eyes roaming around the room, trying to recognize the people.

One by one, then his eyes stopped at a figure. The black and messy hair, the signature smirk, Kuroo Tetsuro. His body felt numb and heavy all of sudden. Seeing the older male making him sick, making him remembering the reality again. Making him remembering the awful memory that feels like happened long time ago yet it was yesterday. His body took instinct on walking away. He got up with his sling bag, walking towards the door with a fast pace with face looking down, even though he doubted that the older male saw him.

Right before he’s about to cross the empty road, a familiar hand stopped him, knowing who is it. He tried to push the hand from holding his wrist, but failed. Therefore he just stayed silent, waiting for the other male to make a move.

“Please…” The other male said, gripping tighter on his wrist.

“Please wait,” The others continued while finally taking a good deep breath after a few minutes ago trying to locate the younger.

“I’m sorry for everything I did yesterday. I’m being selfish and demanding…  And stupid. I think it’s a common thing if you feel disgust or sick from my action,” He can hear the other male said it with a nervous chuckle, but he remained silent, feeling that the sentence still not done yet.

“He-Here’s the truth. I like you. I-I know you still can’t forget about the person you told me, but can you please consider trying on me ? I can’t promise you things, but trying wouldn’t hurt right ?” Kuroo asked nervously. Well, he just confessed his feelings, but he’s already prepared for the rejection though, because what can he say ? He falls in love with the one who loves others.

“You can answer it later. I want you to think about it… So, for now, will you come inside and have a chat like we usually do ? Please ?” Kuroo said, a desperate tone can be heard through his lips.

Ah ! It’s that feeling again. The feeling he always receives when he’s with Kuroo. It’s not the feeling of loving someone, it’s not hatred either. He still doesn’t know what it is though but after hearing what Kuroo said, working things out than adding more problems sound better.

“Kageyama ?” Kuroo asked once again who received a nod from Kageyama.

They walked back inside while Kuroo’s hand slowly slid down from his wrist to his fingers lightly, spreading the warmth between the cold temperature, but firm enough to grab and pull his body to follow him inside.

Oikawa arrived at the gate, trying to find Kageyama among the other students. But as far he can see, he couldn’t find the raven. He tried looking at the near public places, still no sign of Kageyama. Maybe he can wait. Yeah, he still can wait for the younger at home and he must arranges the words he wants to confess. He walked towards the station, for the first time in this week, he felt alive. He felt time finally moving like it supposed to be.

He walked inside the apartment they shared, feeling much lighter. He putted his thing on the couch and scanning the room. The vase from last night still scattered around on the floor, he grabbed the sharp pieces carefully not to hurt his fingers and dumped them into the trash bin.

Looking at the broken pieces of vase once again, making him feel he really messed up. But, he’s going to make up for it, he’s going to change, he will treat Kageyama better and make him falls in love with him. Even if Kageyama hates him or even worse leaving him, he will chase for the others. Maybe it’s not his typical personality to chase someone or beg for love, but it’s not the time for thinking who chase who. It’s about him letting go of his pride and ego to eventually put an end to this unsettled relationship. It’s sound stupid for Oikawa Tooru, but not for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello ! I want to explain if you confuse about the last sentence, "It's sound stupid for Oikawa Tooru, but not for him."
> 
> You know right the typical Oikawa Tooru ? well what I want to tell you is it's him being himself not being the Oikawa Tooru that is always wearing his facade.
> 
> I usually write this fic while hearing one or three songs, like Afraid by The Neighbourhood, Begin Again by Taylor Swift, and Like I'm Gonna Lose You by Meghan Trainor. Maybe you should hear it too to add more feelings lol


	8. Chapter 8

How he ended up in this situation ? This is the worst month of his life, not to mention the problems he had especially about his love life, and now the train that supposed to be heading towards his apartment just got canceled due to the mechanism problem. There is no hotel around his collage, and obviously he hadn’t brought that much money to stay the night at one. The snow is getting thicker and the temperature is going down every hours. He can feel his toes and fingers getting cold as if taking a bath in ice, he just wants to go home so badly now. Not that home, the other home, the real home he has in Miyagi.

“Ehm, you can stay the night at my flat ? I don’t really mind,” Kuroo said after holding his lips not to blurt out something stupid.

“W-Well, If you don’t want to it’s fine. Maybe I’ll try finding a place for you to stay…” Kuroo shuttered, nervous. It’s just embarrassing and he doesn’t want Kageyama to think him wrong. After all he just confessed his feelings, and he doesn’t want to make that easy impression.

“Is it really okay ?” Kageyama asked while warming up his hands a couple of times. Of course, Kageyama as dumb as he is, not quite minding about anything.

“Of course. Now let’s go,” Kuroo said while starting to walk slowly, letting Kageyama successfully to catch up.

They walked in silence along the way. The flat is not really that far, just around five minutes walking by foot and you arrived at the five floored building. They walked into the elevator and Kuroo pushed the button that has number 3 on it. Once they were arrived, they walked again and stopped at a white door. Kuroo took his keys from his pocket and twisted the key after pushing them into the keyhole. The older male opened the door slowly while guiding the younger to come in.

“Sorry to intrude,” Kageyama said, walking in while scanning the flat.

“Sorry if it’s messy or small,” Kuroo said, starting to take off his shoes.

“It’s fine, Kuroo-san. I’m sorry to bother you,” Kageyama replied while following the others, taking his shoes and coat off.

“Nahh… It’s okay, kid,” Kuroo said, giving Kageyama a thin smile then walked inside.

Kageyama was following Kuroo from behind. He can see the small living room which indicates a couch that can fit at most three people and a medium wooden table with a carpet under it. A small kitchen, basically enough space to make food, and a counter to place the food along with three chairs. Two other doors, that he assumed as the bedroom and the bathroom. He can also see other things like the bookshelf, the small plants, and some frames that was hanging on the wall. It’s small indeed, but it’s also cozy and have the homey touch into it.

“You will sleep in my bedroom. And you can change clothes if you want, I will prepare some,” Kuroo said, putting down his belongings on the floor near the table.

“Then where do you sleep, Kuroo-san ?” He asked while putting his bag besides Kuroo’s, still standing on the same position.

“Hmm, on the couch ? I can’t let you sleep on the couch, of course. You’re my guest,” Kuroo said with a smile, as if he just said something so obvious.

“No, Kuroo-san. I’ll sleep on the couch, you’re the owner,” Kageyama replied quickly.

“No need to be polite with me, kid,” Kuroo said ruffling Kageyama’s hair while walking towards one of the door only to come out with a blanket that soon was putted on the couch.

“I already prepared your clothes. Good night !” Kuroo said again, not giving Kageyama the time to process the condition. So he just walked in the room quietly.

The room is neat, even though there is a stack of books and papers he assumed as the study Kuroo is working on in the corner of the room. A single-sized bed with white covered sheet and a night stand on a wooden cupboard. He closed the door and sat at the edge of the bed, despite knowing that no one in the room, he still remain quite. He changed his clothes to the one Kuroo gave him, a little to big though.

He laid down awkwardly after turning off the light and tried to close his eyes. For a second he thought so calm and he might be able to sleep. But in the darkness the images keep coming back. The older male pinning him down, saying things that he knew he didn’t do any of that. Looking at him so disgustingly as if he was the garbage, so low. Entering him in the way that makes him feel awful and sick. It never ends, the feeling he feels keep reminding him of what he is to Oikawa. Just a slut, a substitute, just a fling that one day the older male will throw away. He felt scared, scared of being left again. Scared of not being useful to someone. Scared of not being loved.

Deep in his thought, he heard the twisted sound of the door knob making him opened his eyes. He saw Kuroo walked carefully as if not to wake him.

“Kageyama ? You’re still awake ?” Kuroo said while walking inside with a blanket.

“Ehmm, yeah,” Kageyama replied blankly, still trying to compose himself from the previous event.

“I just wanted to tell you that the heater was broken ? Sorry for that. Here, some extra blankets,” Kuroo said sheepishly while handing it to Kageyama who stared weakly.

“Something’s wrong ?” Kuroo asked while putting the extra blankets on the bed then sat beside Kageyama.

“N-Nothing…” Kageyama replied as if he was a child who is being scolded by his mom.

Kuroo just stay silent as if reading him like a open book. The older male waited for him to answer or finally make a move to sleep and called it a day. It’s not like forcing, it feels like a friend who waits him and ready to help him with all of his problems. And truthfully it feels kind of nice.

“He and I… Got into a fight… He-He forced me… W-h I-don’t…” Kageyama shuttered after hesitating on telling Kuroo. He even doesn’t realize that tears starting to form, it still hurts.

Kuroo took a hold of his hands, warping his torso with his warmth was a little awkward. The older calms him while whispering “It’s okay” along with the hushing sound. Slowly but surely he calms down, feeling really comfortable. Kuroo laid their bodies down on the bed, still warping Kageyama’s as if a barrier to protect the younger. They stayed like that, soon the next few minutes Kageyama can hear Kuroo’s even breath. And it feels like home.

The warmth, the feeling of being wanted and appreciated, and the feeling of being loved. There it is. He felt loved when he’s with Kuroo. He felt accepted just like with Karasuno, when everything crumbling down and the others turned their back on him, Karasuno accepted him. Daichi-san, Suga-san, Tanaka-san, Nishinoya-san, Ennoshita-san, Yamaguchi, Hinata, even the Stingyshima. He knew he’s unlovable or one of the least people to be loved. But he knows, this is how to treat someone, with love and care. Maybe Oikawa never love him. That’s why he did that. And he’s so wrong to think that those moments they had will turn into something. Maybe this is just a mistake, a mistake he made for loving the wrong person. Maybe things was supposed to be this way, he’s with Kuroo and Oikawa with Iwaizumi. He doesn’t know why, but it starting to sound like a good idea to him.

He took a deep breath and released it with a relieve somehow. He closed his eyes, surprisingly unafraid. The images was gone, instead he felt another hear beats against him, serene. Little by little the drowsiness that had been pilled completely overtaken him. That night something was taken away from him, but he felt no lost.

_Maybe things was supposed to be this way._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter is weird or too fast ?


	9. Chapter 9

He opened his eyes lightly while trying to regain his conscious. The unfamiliar warmth radiating beside him, he moved his gaze to find Kageyama on the bed beside him, so peacefully. He was glad though, because Kageyama looks so gloomy and lack of sleep yesterday, so he thought it may be his fault. He got up slowly not to wake up the younger, he sat on the bed, seeing earnestly the other’s face. Soon a smile was visible on his face. He was sure if someone sees him, they might thought that he was a creep, but Kageyama is just unbearably special. Kageyama is special.

He continued to stared at the beautiful sight. Kageyama’s face was graced by the dim light that came through the windows. Unconsciously his hands were moving to touch the other’s cheek and caressed it softly. He can feel the younger moving slowly, a sign that he’s waking up. Kuroo saw the fluttered motion of those blue eyes that soon wide open.

“Morning… Sleep well ?” Kuroo asked while pulling his hand away from Kageyama. The younger gave him a nod while sitting up on the bed, rubbing his eyes.

“I’ll make breakfast. Toast and jam with milk, fine ?” Kuroo asked while getting up, about to move towards the door. He was embarrassed, he touched Kageyama when he was asleep. It was creepy. But he can’t seem to find the wrong part of it.

He just wants to get out of the room quickly, close the door and give himself a few slaps across the face and maybe a few slams on his head against the wall. He was out of his mind. He’s not even Kageyama’s boyfriend. But, damn. Everything just seems so right for him to do that.

When he took his first step, something tucked the hem of his shirt. He turned around to find Kageyama pulling at his shirt. He stopped and stared at the younger. Kageyama was still sitting on the bed with both of his knees folded back besides his thighs, he wore a serious expression while looking down slightly.

“What’s wrong ? You don’t like toast ?” Kuroo asked carefully. There is a brief silence.

“No… It’s not that.” Kageyama replied still holding Kuroo’s shirt. Kuroo waited Kageyama to finish his sentence.

“I-I can’t love you Kuroo-san… Not yet. Not now…” Kageyama said hesitated.

Kuroo just stay silent. He never expect to get an answer like this. His heart was starting to throb in pain. His body felt uncomfortable all of sudden, as if he lost the power to stand.

“But-But…” Kageyama continued quickly after seeing Kuroo’s face.

“But what, Kageyama ?” Kuroo asked with slight pain in his tone. What Kageyama have to continue ? It’s clear that he rejected him. It’s already crystal clear for Kuroo.

“I can’t love you now, Kuroo-san. I still loves him even though he hurts me in the way that make me just want to run and die. But after seeing many events we had, the cries, the pain, it made me realized that maybe things weren’t supposed to be with him and me. Maybe we just not meant with each another, and maybe we just better off apart. Thinking that also made me realize that letting him go will definitely hard, but I want to. I want to let him go. Yes, I can’t love you now. But I’m willing to try with you. I-I know it’s selfish, and it will hurt you in the futu-“

Kuroo hugged him. The warmth spreading his body pleasantly. Kageyama know that moment that this is what he wants. He wants this. He hugged Kuroo back awkwardly. After a few minutes Kuroo lets go and bumped his forehead with Kageyama’s with such tenderness. They stared at each another intimately as if their eyes speak what had been lingering in their heart. Slowly, Kuroo leaned in and sealed their lips together in a chaste peck. Kageyama putted his hands around Kuroo’s neck loosely while Kuroo’s hands gripped the other’s waist firm. After a few seconds they pulled apart, still maintaining the eye contact.

“So, are we dating now ?” Kuroo asked with a silly smile that he can’t help to sustain. Even though he knows the answer, he can’t help but to ask again, just to make sure.

“Yes. We’re dating now,” Kageyama replied with a chuckle that himself can’t bear. It’s been long since he can laugh freely like this. It felt nice.

Kuroo hugged him close one more time before pulling his body to get up with him. Kuroo hold his hand and guided him to the kitchen. Kuroo’s smile, Kuroo’s eyes, Kuroo’s hand that spreading its warmth through his fingertips. Kageyama sure that he doesn’t mind receiving it from now on.

He waited. Maybe Kageyama just late like the other day. Yes, that’s right. Maybe Kageyama went to a friend’s place or hang out somewhere. Oh, how he really wants to believe that. It’s already 23.09 p.m. and Kageyama still not home yet. Oikawa waited on the same place when he first wanted to confess his feelings. The couch with his blanket that barely keeps him warm. Once again waiting for the one that he has been longing for long to come home.

He waited and waited. Still believing that Kageyama will come home to see the one that hurt him. It is hard to believe. Why would Kageyama come to the place where his body and soul had tainted ? Why Kageyama would come to him ? And why he’s still waiting for Kageyama whom he knows would never come back to him ? Is it really the end ? No. He doesn’t want to end like this. He wants to redeem himself for being harsh. He wants to change and prove that he can give what Kageyama deserves from the start. But, is he really worth that chance ?

“Where are you, Tobio ?” He can’t help but to ask even though he knows no one will answer him.

Sitting on the couch, cold. The blanket around him doesn’t help anything. He hugged his knees together tightly then buried his face against it. The tears were unbearable, he choked on his sobs that’s making him hard to breath. Oh, how he wish he can turn back time. To the time when they first met, still so competitive about volleyball, not even thinking that they will have an encounter like this nor having such a relationship. But after thinking that, they hadn’t been the best senpai-kouhai relationship either, they hate each another from the start.

_“The Oikawa that I know will chase something he passionate about whatever it takes.”_

Well, maybe that Oikawa is no longer inside him. He just wants to give up, these feelings hurt him. It hurts him and the one he loves until they reached the point where everything just stop. There will be no Kageyama’s voices that calling for him, his sweet scent, or his blue eyes that looks at him with so much eagerness, but never cease to make him falls even deeper. It’s fading. The beautiful images starting to fade and exchange with the mistake he made. The mistake that ended all of other mistakes they made.

“I’m sorry, Tobio… I’m sorry…”

I’m sorry I made you unhappy. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I approached you back then at the party. I’m sorry to ruin your life. I’m sorry for being a terrible senpai. I’m sorry that I love you so much. I promise that this feeling will go soon, Tobio. I promise it will go soon…

Oikawa ended up sleeping after his cries ceased down. That night something was fleeing away from him, something that he’s holding to his dear life with, but he doesn’t felt numb or any emptiness like he expected. Because he knows there is nothing to be filled from the start.

(Or you can interpret it as an empty shell, like their relationship is meaningless.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I updated 2 chapters. Sorry for the wait ^^  
> I also have an important news. I'll be taking a hiatus. I will come back around April or May ? Sorry for the sudden news.


	10. Chapter 10

He already forgot how those delicate hands felt against his skin, or how the voice that once called him with so much eagerness. Everything went in haze, leaving him stuck in the same place. He tried, he already tried. Everything he did, everything he ate, everything reminds him of him. He wants to see him, wants to kiss him, wants to tell him how much he loves him. He still does. But it never meant to be spoken, words are just words, meaningless.

He said he will forget him, just like he forgets his past loves. It will be gone, time will cure. Oh, how he wish it could be that simple. It’s hard to forget something that had been a part of his, at least that’s what he thinks. It leaves scars, but it won’t seems to heal. Sometimes he wonders, how Kageyama doing right now ? Is he happy ? It’s funny how someone like him, the one that had hurt the raven asked for raven himself to be happy. A part of himself told him that he can’t make the others happy and it’s the best decision to leave, but a part of himself also told him deep down he knows, he wants to be the one who makes the others happy.

But he can’t, someone like him can’t. Kageyama deserves better than him.

That’s why when the raven told him with such a small voice that he will move out, he didn’t surprised anymore. Despite all the words he wants to convey and all the feelings that is starting to well and tear, he gave him a nod and let him go. The words were vanished and erased, because it was pointless. He stood there, can’t do anything but to watch.

Sometimes he’s mistaken the sound of the shoes outside as the raven’s, expecting the others to come home, open the door, and drink his milk like usual, but the sound of the door unlocks never came. He still wonders, what if he was being gentle from the start ? Or finally man up and confess ? Is it going to be different ? Will they be happy right now ? He doesn’t know the answer. Because it’s not him if they don’t end up in this situation.

It takes a year for him to finally recover and slowly forget him. He started to fill the empty room with some furniture, or to be precise he finally could open that door. He always afraid to open that door because all the memories keep flooding back, but now, it’s just plain memories. It still hurts, his heart still tighten remembering it, but not as much as before.

Once, Iwaizumi asked him when they sat on the balcony and drank some alcohol while the night wind slowly drifting off the strands of their hair. He can tell Iwaizumi was starting to get drunk and certainly babbled something he didn’t realize.

_“Do you still love him ?”_

_“Dearly. I love him so much it destroys us. I wish we’ve never met, because I’m just a monster to him, a memory he wants to forget… But a part of me really wants us to meet. I still can’t forget his figure even though it’s fazing. I want to forget but not forget. It’s confusing. I don’t want to remember him but I also don’t want him to vanish from my life.”_

_“Then let’s make a deal, you will chase and never give up on your next love, okay, Shittykawa ? You listen to me ! I will support you. It’s okay for not forgetting him, but you have to move on. Life is moving on and its not going to wait for your sad ass.”_

_Right after saying it, Iwaizumi starting to drift off, the alcohol is getting him. He can’t help but to smile, he was blessed to have a friend like Iwaizumi. If not, he was sure he will be crying on his ‘sad ass’ alone. He picked Iwaizumi’s hand to help the others who walked wobbly a second ago and dumped him into the couch inside._

_“I guess you’re right Iwa-chan. Thank you.”_

He promised himself and the drunk Iwaizumi that he will chase and never give up on his next love, after all it’s the only thing that he can hold on into now. Only that petty promise that can make him stand once again with his own two feet.

* * *

 

They are broken. Broken just like the heater in the cold, broken just like the vase that night, broken just like their hidden cries. But every broken things leave traces, a wound. Just like the pieces that is leaving scraps. The pieces were connecting, the oddments that once attached were linked. And once again they met with the trails left behind them but still bound together.

_“Tobio ?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE
> 
> Just want to tell you that there will be a sequel. It's like the story after few years passed, the SEQUEL named Attachment : Scraps.
> 
> Sorry if you think my decision is annoying. I just thought that if I combine all of the plot even after the years passed, it feels like the story is moving too fast or something like that.
> 
> But I will try to finish my other stories first, so the sequel will be not posted in the near future.
> 
> Sorry, once again. And thank you for reading ^^

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the grammar, English is not my first language. But I hope you enjoy this ^^
> 
> Wattpad : BlueberrynMint


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